As I had opened my eyes, the warm breeze greeted me from the window. The sky was blue and the sun was shining bright. Outside, it was a beautiful and perfect day. The room on the other hand, had gloomy grey walls with black power outlets everywhere. The smell of antibacterial fluid irritated my nostrils. I didn’t want to be there. I wished it got better but, it only got worse. So, I had to call her, she had to come and visit me.
Her face lit up as she walked into the room. I hadn’t seen her for two days. She jumped up on my bed and tightly hugged me.
“Daddy! I’ve missed you!” she said into my chest.
“Claire-Bear, I’ve missed you too.”
I teared up as I held my 8 year-old daughter. I didn’t want her to visit me at the hospital like this.
“Claire, you have to listen to—“
“Daddy, when will you be coming home? I miss my bed-time stories.”
I couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes and tell her that this may be my last day of my life. So, I just held her and preserved the moment.
“Daddy, why is your skin so white?”
“I’m not feeling very well” I said, but then began to silently weep at the thought of leaving her.
I wanted to prepare her for the worst but I didn’t want to see her cry. She held me close, knowing that something wasn’t right. Then, she just looked up at me with her sweet smile and said, “Daddy, I love you”.
“I love you too. Claire, no matter what happens, Daddy will always be with you, I promise.” I knew she didn’t know what that meant, but one day she’ll remember.
It was almost nine o’clock in the evening so she had to leave because the guest hours are almost finished. I kissed her on the cheek and goodbye. I knew very well, by the feeling of my body, this was the last time I will see my daughter in this life.
The next day I felt much better so I decided to go for a walk. As I slid my body off the bed, the room had begun to spin so I fell onto the ground. Suddenly a strike of pressure hit my chest and it was hard to breath. The feeling of my body was jumbled, my hands were my feet and my eyes were my nose. Everything was confusing; I didn’t know what to do. My blurred vision was getting worse and the last thing I remember seeing was the doctor running into the room.
My body was on the bed, being hit with electricity. I couldn’t feel a thing. That was only my body, my soul was different. I watched as the nurses and doctors scurried from one side of the room to the other. The sight scared me. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. All I thought was, “Am I dead? Am I a ghost? Where’s the white light that you’re supposed to see?”
Eventually, the doctors gave up and I was reported to be dead. As the door of my room opened, my family members poured into the room. Everyone was crying and screaming. I couldn’t bear to watch this. I didn’t want to be dead.
Then, I saw Claire tip toe into the room trying not to disturb anyone. As she looked up at my body, tears began to fill her eyes. She sat on the bed and held my cold hand. She kissed my cheek and whispered, “Daddy, I love you and I know you will always be with me. You promised.”
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